My Mission

a real nanny's diaries

2008-07-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

swimming lessons, laundry, dirty dishes, golf practice, wrestling, more laundry, tears, scraped knees, backyard baseball games, even more laundry, lunch, the disney channel, snack time, messy beds, nap time, Foosball, screaming, kicking, bonked noggins, car seats, spilled juice boxes, french fries and chicken fingers, taco bell straw fencing, exploded sauce packets, sympathetic looks, shakes of judgemental heads, questioning stares, understanding chuckles, shoes on the wrong feet, giggles, staring contests, tickles, free spankings, chasing, running away, filthy socks, soy milk mustaches, ketchup stains, Nerf gun wars, gameboys, flicked lips, creative dosing, chores, tooth brushing, hide-and-seek, you go hide.

i lead a life of normalcy. i am a hire-a-soccer-mom. i have a car seat in my backseat. i carry around a giant purse full of snacks and bandaids. i'd drive a minivan but gas isn't cheap. two months ago i lived in another country. i was independent. i was different. i was adventurous. now i'm a four-year old toting, extra clothes lugging nanny. what happened? i need to get out of here.

june 4

2008-07-13T13:24:00.000-07:00

it's been over a month. how many changes did i expect? how many things actually turned full circle? how do i keep the good and change the bad? i've been home for three weeks... but who am i? and is home really home? am i the crazy white girl who speaks like a dominican, teaches little kids, falls in love with perfection, the girl who plays in the rain, and soaks up the sun? or am i the self-conscience one who's not sure she's cool enough to hang out with that crowd? who the heck am i?

april 24

2008-07-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

platanoes!!! halelujah!! oh halelujah.

soy libre y no se como explicar los stimientos que tengo por camio y mas vida. me siento que tengo un millon opciones pero tengo miedo porque nunca halgo la cosa derecha. pero esta noche to hice que sentio derchecha, que sentio libre y real y loca. me fui a la casa de juan y dadeyva a ver su hijo nuevo y julio me acompanio. ashley y nathalie llegaron un poco mas tarde. cuando estabamos volviendo, comenzo a llover, y julio y yo corremos al pase porque la lluvia fue grande y dura.

estabamos solos y todo el dia nos sentiamos que alo va a pasar. todavia estaba lloviendo, y nos fuimos a la casita y subimos.
comenzamos a besar. despacio. soy dominicana.

april 23

2008-07-13T13:16:00.001-07:00

mas batatas y juevos. story of my life.

april 22

2008-07-13T13:07:00.001-07:00

i haven't written in what feels a lifetime. it's been a month since i've opened this book and copied down the happenings of my adventurous life... but when i think back on all the changed that have taken place, it feels like so much longer. but like no time has passed at all...

my whole life feels like that right now. it feels like just yesterday i was packing my suitcase for the eighth time and kissing eric goodbye. then when i think about who i was or what i've done, i feel both miles and centuries away.

within the past month i've hid behind the couch from my dominican father, while talking to my american one. i've avoided the kissing Beto like the plague. i've talked to richard and julio and chachy like we've known each other our whole lives. i've applied for the RA position. i've internet flirted with old friends, but falling deeper in love with those here.

march 22

2008-07-13T13:02:00.001-07:00

we went to cascada limo today. we rode motoconchos (little motorcycle taxis) all the way there and asked the same ones to return in 3 hours. the ride left us a little stiff (30 minutes on a dirtbike with 2 other people will do that to you...) so we started up the trail a little slowly. we got lost, my bad once again.. apparently i have a terrible sense of direction. anyway, we finally ended up on the right track, we swam, we jumped off some rocks, it was so fun and i'm glad we went. my feet are killing me though.

oh! our motorcycle's tire went flat on the way back, leaving us stuck in the middle of town with no money and some crazy mixed up plan to get us back to the hotel. it worked out, but it took so long.

then we made pancake peanut butter, jelly, and rice crispy sandwhiches. definitely habit-forming-worthy. ashley is a genius. seriously. try it. i'm so tired.

march 20

2008-07-13T12:58:00.000-07:00

saved a life today.
it's spring break and we've been spending it in las terrenas. we have a pool. i'm tan. ahhhhh. that's all i have to say.
oh, back to the life. there's a little boy staying here in the hotel, he can't swim, but he likes to try. he jumped in, and we thought he was playing... we'd been goofing off with him all week, but he didn't come up and he didn't come up. i jumped in (i was cold), i was scared. what if it was too late? did i wait to long? can i remember cpr? oh crap! i don't remember! so when i get him, what am i going to do? maybe ashley remembers...? i hope so. my hand grabs his tiny wrist and i drag him to the surface. he sputters. thank God. then i yelled at him for not wearing his life jacket. there's nothing worse than getting lectured in spanish... it's true.

march 18

2008-07-13T12:53:00.000-07:00

i don't know what to do about all this. i'm aching to get back to college. talk in english. be normal. but then when i think about leaving all of these people, this place...
what happens when i'm not seeing all my kids each morning, or pledging to a foreign flag, erasing chalk boards, eating beans a rice, speaking spanish. who will i be?? should i withdraw? that'd be easier. or i could dive in deeper, taking advantage of every oportunity i'll never be offered again.
what a dilema.

march 12, 13, and 14

2008-07-13T12:44:00.000-07:00

i worked in the fields planting trees today. we've firmly established that junior is lazy, juan louis and yovanski are hard workers, and i'm an underestimated girl. after work yovanski shimmied up a coconut tree and got us a snack. he hurt himself pretty bad on the way back down however and walked funny for a couple mintues. we laughed. anyway, we cracked 'em open (okay they cracked them open, they wouldn't let me use the machete), and we ate and drank until we were sick. I had one in time it took for yovanski to get through 5, juan louis had 3... i got beat.

nat and ash and i went for a walk past the cows. we were planning on heading to the river to swim, but we got lost. haha. whoops. on the way back i stopped at house 4. i love them. i really do. we played softball with a deflated red rubber ball for a couple minutes, then we all hopped on a giant rock in their yard. we decided that we should play king of the rock. we ran, and pushed, and giggled, and got muddy, and fell, and got squirted by Blas. it was great. i hadn't laughed so hard in a long time. but then i had to take a shower because all those adolescent boys rubbed their icky smell on me. i hadn't showered in a while.. it was about time.

there hasn't been food for 3 days. no breakfast... so we walked down to the bakery to try to beg some muffins off Beto. it's the friday before spring break. OH GLORIOUS DAY!!! after class, ash and i are going online shopping. yay!

amazon?

2008-07-13T12:34:00.000-07:00

my newfound singledom has sparked a wild and free fire of feministic thoughts. it seems that every time i find myself boyless, it's much easier to base my self-worth on things unseen, burried deep within my broken heart. these independent thoughts spur a "keep your chin up" attitude and have forced me to look for personal value in hidden places. unfortunately, i must acknowledge my weakness of reverting to old, less individualistic, habits--counting on my masculine comrade to boost moral and grant me worth. boo.
alas, i await such slippage :) i miss surprises, notes, random phone messages, and the like. but i really do like my freshly established inner beauty. i was degined by a God who doesn't make mistakes, so every physical "flaw" i find must be disregarded. how do you like that jenny craig?! fabulous outlook on life--my God, my maker, doesn't mess up. i am the perfect height (short), weight (let's not talk about that), and color (white? on the inside at least). i am no more or less than splendid. i am more costly than rubies or pearls and with this knowledge i can smile at tomorrow. and then i'm going to change the world.
may God clothe me with strength so that i may conduct myself with dignity. may i be proverbs 31. may i decorate my own soul. may i rise above it all.
singledom may have been the best thing coming for a very long time...

2008-07-13T12:26:00.001-07:00

"i am the light of the world. whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
john 8:12b

i made karla cry today. third grade was awful so i told her to sit in another desk in the corner of the classroom. she has always had attitude but she'd never been obsitnate. so, i told her she could sit in the desk or leave. i physically stopped her from mobing away from her new desk; i taught from the space between her and her classmates even. she started crying and the other students started yelling. rosie (the full-time teacher) knocked on the door to check in. i was afraid i was going to get in trouble for making the little girl cry, but she just asked my if they always behaved this badly. i responded that sure, they were naughty, but today was extreme.

so school was a drag. there's always tomorrow. and the next day. and the next day. but we won't get into that. i can't seem to shake the funk i'm in however. i've been so lucky all year, not experiencing my wierd chemical inbalances. i'm struggling with my crippling introvertedness again; the ones that haunted me last year. the only thing i've found to help is working in the fields.

i love the digging. i dig until my hands bleed, my back is aching, and my eyes are stinging from the salty sweat that trickles down my brown forehead. i like the bantering boys, racing across the field, the sun, the absence of my silly roommates. i think i need a break.

i wrapped my hair into a halo today--it keeps it straight after i get out of the shower, it's actually pretty nifty. then ashley and nat went to use the internet. sweet sweet solitude. i finished my brown journal (it only took 2 years). it's full of memories. i sat alone on our floor and reveled in my aloneness. wow. peace.

i'm baaack

2008-07-13T12:18:00.000-07:00

"he who forms the mountains, creats the wind, and reveals his thoughts to man."
amos 4:13

I have a list of things I want to do in life. I have places I want to go. I have goals and dreams. I want to go to Italy, someday I'll head to Africa, I want to live in another country and have a family there. Learn as much as I possibly can... So you see, I have desires of my heart. But I've been thinking lately (scary I know) and ultimately I want to fulfill the plan God has for me.

If being the woman God wants me to be means tossing my list and living a life of singledom, stablility, and stagnancy, I will. But I also believe taht God gave me my independence, my longing for adventure, and perhaps a family of my own. Will he calm the fire of my heart? will he simply continue to change me until I no longer feel the need for them? Or are my wishes finally becoming his?

Really, all I want is to know that I'm doing the right thing--because it's good, because it's true, because it's right. I want to make decisions in the way God wants me to. I want our plans for my life to be the same, so that I'll always know that things will work out for the best. So God, reveal your thoughts to this girl. Make my life full--of you.

2007-10-12T17:57:00.000-07:00

Ashley and I have decided to take a quick holiday and hopped a bus, a taxi, and well... just hopped to get to our darling little hotel.

My feet hurt, my left ankle is very large (i tweaked some wierd tendon in my second toe it...), and we've walked a good 25 miles. Okay maybe only 20... anyway. It's been a blast. Here are some photos so you can share in my excitement...

2007-10-07T12:27:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to say hello and thank you all for the lovely comments! The first picture featured in this fantasmic post is of my amazing Ashley and I... note: the kids here don't like my hair curly. They try so hard for straight hair that they think this is ugly... my bad.
Second picture... yeah. I've got nothin'.
Third: That's our bed. And if you look hard, you can see the fuse box that caught on fire behind it... sweet action.

2007-10-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

September 10, 2007
“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalms 46:10
Got to just be still. To know that you are near. The island time is still too fast. I need place to silently wait for you. I need a safe place; a place I don’t need to struggle for words, where I can stand in silence, or kneel in prayer.
Yesterday and today were uneventful for the more part. I can play scales and “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” on the cello. That’s sort of exciting. I’ve found that if I listen to my students’ questions, my sisters’ prodding, or my parent’s instruction with my heart I can almost understand. I understand more when I listen with my heart than when I struggle to catch every word with my ear. Although I’m often at a loss for words, my heart hears their stories; I can comprehend their joy, I can expiernece their pain, I know what they mean because my heart is a better listener than my ear. With great care I lean forward and allow myself to touch with my eyes, feel with my ears, and hear with my heart.
September 12, 2007
“Take my hands and lift them up, for I have not the strength to praise you near enough. I have nothing, I am nothing, without you.” Bebo Norman
These lines have never been more true. I feel weak and tired. I’m hungry. Tonight was the first time I felt full in a long time J I ate a whole sweet potato and a cup of baker’s chocolate, sugar, and water. Yum! [please note sarcasm] I think I’ve lost about six pounds. I’m not really sure because there aren’t any scales here, but judging by the way my clothes don’t fit, I’d say six to ten is as good a guess as any.
God give me the strenght to make it through one more day. Help me to sincerely smile. Give me patience when I’m worn thin. Literally… Grant me peace that passes understanding. For that matter, if you could just give me understanding. Hold my family and I together in your hands. Much more of you, much less of me.
September 14, 2007
“How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh how beautiful!” Song of Solomon 1:15
I wore my blue heels today because they just make e verything better. Adelyana (the high school English teacher) commented on my outfit and called me beatiful. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed the off-handed comments about my hair, my clothes, my shoes… I actually missed being called beautiful. I feel so icky all the time that I forget to try to be pretty. I just want my cheeks to be all cute and flushed, and my skin to be clear, and my smile to light up my face, but most of the time I’m just sweaty. I want my laugh to brighten someone’s day, and my voice to bring cheer to someone’s heart. I miss being loved and being told that I’m beautiful.
I hadn’t realized how important those words are. God, if you could just remind me that you think I’m beautiful, because I’m your creation. I want you to see me, and say “it is good.” Let me be beautifully at peace.
September 18, 2007
As I sit on the grungy yellow sheets, surrounded by open Bibles, lesson plans, and flash cards I realize that four weeks ago today I was frantically running around in gym shorts and my Keep It Cool shirt, shoving last-minute items into an already full duffle. Wow that’s a long sentence. Four weeks ago I feel asleep on my carpet, gentle held by arms I miss an awful lot. Four weeks ago I spoke English; I livedn and breathed unhindered by heat or insects. Four weeks ago I rocked, silently sobbing, in Eric’s room, wondering how much longer he’d fit in that hand-me-down bed.
Four weeks ago I was surrounded by people who want the best for me, who love and care about me because I am one of them. Four weeks ago I wasn’t aware of true hunger—physical or spiritual. Four weeks ago I was unsure of where I’d end up when Jesus comes again, and even though I still cling to my terror of being lost and running out of time, I know I’m headed in the right direction.

2007-09-19T15:35:00.000-07:00

these are a few pictures of my adventuresome sister/friend and i. just thought i'd share.

2007-09-13T18:32:00.001-07:00

So... because I've had two chances at internet access within 7 days (I know! I was pretty excited too!) I decided to post a random happy list because well... I'm happy about the internet.
hearing my alarm clock. yes, don, it still cracks me up. pine cones. there aren't any here, but i sure miss 'em. my sissy's handwriting. i haven't seen it in a while, but i know that if i did, it'd make me smile. my daddy's voice. i know he misses me, it's just hard to tell sometimes... amy's coffee cake. enough said. jeff's crazy driving. although it made me sick at home, compared to what i've been experiencing, it was pleasant. riding in the jeep with my mommy. good times. don's hugs. i could really use one of those right now... eric's guitar serenading. "power in the blood! power in the blood!" oh! and my little scooter asking if we can sing "the oh pretty baby song." priceless. i like long fingernails. after "playing" the cello for two weeks, i've come to miss them dearly. ashley brothers, ashley logan, and ashley ward. pretty much just ashleys in general. the english language... etc. if you can think of anything else that you figure would make me happy... slap a comment on the baby.
miss you all.
love you tons.
-me

Week 3

2007-09-11T14:16:00.000-07:00

September 2, 2007 Still nine months. Still counting.

Today’s been so long, I had to make another list.
This is:
Kayla’s never-thought-she’d-be-thankful-for-but-was-tearfully-surprised List

Rain, because it reminds her of home.
Her Song of Eve book, because even though she’s read it five times, it still takes her away from where she is.
Her baby sister, because she really is her lovely best half.
The color dirty-grass green, because it means God’s still got a plan.
Her passport, because with it she can head home.
Her imagination, because it helps her eat U.M.O. (unidentifiable and moving objects)
Sobs, because they let that really tight and icky ache her throat go away.
Hugs that are a bit too tight, because they remind her that if these kids can do it, so can she.

“And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because his is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward.” Matthew 10:42

Only a cup of cold water. That’s all God asks for sometimes, and too often it feels like too much. The cup is too far away; the water is too hard to find, filter, and cool. All God asks of us is obedient and humble service, but all I can think about is all I’m missing out on at home.

That solitary cup of cold water feels heavy and it freezes my hands. How can I carry such an icy and weighty burden?

God, give me patience with myself, so that I can remember that change takes time. Give me the wisdom to know that tomorrow will worry about itself. And God, give me the strength to simply make it through today. One day at a time, God, one day at a time. Please be with my family and Don. Hold us together in your hands. Bring me peace. Much more of you, much less of me…

September 3, 2007

Before I forget, I want to write down what Maximo, our house dad, did for Ashley and I last night. The girls had been acting up a lot and the weekends are always really hard for me anyway. I think I was asked if I was okay, if I were sick, why I was sad, etc. About 5 times each... Anyway, after evening worship he asked Ashley, Orquedia, and I to go for a walk. We thought we had done something wrong and were going to be split up; Ashley and I somehow ended up grasping each other’s hands tightly. Instead of a harsh rebuke however, we heard him almost tearfully explain how hard it is to be in charge of a houseful of older girls. How you can tell them to go to bed, but that doesn’t mean they’ll sleep. Or to come to worship, but you can make them love God. He just wanted to make sure we felt welcome.

At the end of the road, there’s a tiny store that has everything, and I do mean everything (except good food) in it. He bought us each a soda. At nine p.m. I drank a quarter liter of caffeine because I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. I’ve never loved strawberry pop more. It’s a beginning. A start. A simple and genuine gesture of appreciation. I may just find a home in the Dominican.

Earlier today I was wondering if I’d ever be able to accept where I am. Will I ever be able to appreciate the orchestra for what and where they are? Or will I forever need to close my eyes and pretend I’m at the symphony in a silky dress sitting next to Don. Do I have to pretend every time I hear the violin that Jared and Nathan are stroking the strings and the hard bench I’m perched on is really a cold metal chair? Can I ever stop hoping the hand rubbing my arched back is my grandma’s and not my sister/friend’s? Or that the voices loudly bantering outside are familiar and English…?

God, I miss home, but don’t let me leave here unchanged.

September 3, 2007

Why I think I’m here:

To hear the stories of shattered homes, to feel my heart shatter, and to only be able to mutter “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
To smile with all I’ve got, even though I’m breaking inside, to receive a grin of a kid who was caught staring.
To experience heartbreak and never think twice about kissing the dirt-streaked face who felt it long before me.
To make a never-thought-she’d-be-thankful-for-but-was-tearfully-surprised list.
To say “I’ll succeed when I can get my boys to hug me” and have three rush to my waist.
To shake the hand of the campus’ crazy and not rush to the sink with soap afterwards.
To greedily read the gospels.
To listen with my heart, and learn that I have twice as many ears as mouths for a reason.
To laugh until my stomach hurts about a joke I still don’t understand.
To wonder if playing the cello will free my heart’s song.
To lost weight because there really isn’t much, look down at my “food,” and then at everyone else’s, realizing that I have twice as much as they do.
To wash my clothes until my fingers peel, and my hands cramp and my arms ache. Minutes later I know I’ll rush out to help the girl who had the chore after me.
To be thankful for the life I’ve lived, knowing full well that it will never be the same again.

September 4, 2007

“Porque ire adonde tu vayas, y vivire donde tu vivas. Tu pueblo sera mi pueblo, y tu Dios sera mi Dios.” Rut 1:16

I always thought I could do what Ruth did. Leave all she knew out of loyalty and strength of will. I am being proved wrong day after day. I could not leave all that I’ve ever known solely because I loved the mother of my dead husband. Look at me! I left with my best friend and I’m in shambles. There’s no kinsman redeemer waiting here to buy my land and sweep me off my feet…

The cutest thing happened in class today though. First/Second was more obnoxious than usual and I threatened to force one of the boys acting up to sing all by himself up front. In an attempt to subdue the class, I offered the question to everyone. I watched mouths shut and eyes lower to the floor, slowly however, the hand of the tiniest girl inched its way up past her toothless mouth and braided hair. “Profe, yo quiero a cantar.”

I motioned her up front and got down on my knees. She clasped her bitty hands in front of her and swayed gently for a few seconds. Ever so quietly she started to sing of her best friend Jesus who was always with her, and held her when she cried. As the she lisped through the song, her eyes lifted from the floor and up to mine. I smiled and nodded my encouragement, only then noticing my tear-blurred vision. My heart was wrenched from my chest, and has now been given to every little girl who wants to sing, to every little boy with a crooked smile and lazy eye, to every student who struggles with my broken Spanish, and to every child who just needs a chance.

September 7, 2007

Random cravings/happy list:

The sound of an alarm clock. Pine cones. Cold milk. Ice cubes. Crosswalks. Costco muffins. My moccasins. “A White Christmas.” Daddy’s voice. Kari’s handwriting. Jeep rides with Mom. Eric’s guitar serenading. Mom’s coffee cake. Jeff’s crazy driving. The Perk. Sunglasses. Alex’s jokes about Jared Hiscock. My hard-chaired spot in the library. Texting. High-speed internet. Taking stupid pictures with my phone. Business day. David Bowen. Contra dancing. Professor Eggbert. Finals week. Sleepytime tea. Dancing in my underwear up and down the halls. Campfires. Shorts. Swimming. My Gap man jeans. Arguing. Mail. Asphalt. Bicycles. Don’s hugs. Don’s laugh. Don. Snickers candy bars. Long fingernails. Bug-bite free skin.

Things I need from HOME

2007-09-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

More pictures.
Ipod stereo special fitting thingy from Don.
Odwalla bars.
Nutella.
Peanut butter.
Oreos.
Chocolate of any kind.
Twix bars.
Yogurt covered anything.
Dried, wet, dead, etc. fruit.
Ketchup.
Sugar and cinnamon.
Pepto-bismol.
Dental floss.
Lip gloss.
Duct tape.
Scented candle.
Body spray.
A ticket back...

Christmas wish-list:
For my laptop to magically appear in my room.
Chacos.
A shower caddy.
A long and lovely visit from everyone I know, love, look like, talk like, act like, feel like...

Week 2

2007-09-02T08:59:00.000-07:00

August 27, 2007
“Let us not become weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
After crying for what felt like forever, I walked down the road (if you can call it that) towards the school, in hopes of finding Ashley. Partway down the pot-holed asphalt I was bombarded by my new students. God knew exactly what I needed to cheer up. So I turned cartwheels and bent over backwards for them (quite literally actually), and I answer question after question. Their lisped Spanish melted my heart and my tears went forgotten while I was with them.
God, watch over my family while I’m away. Hold us all together in your hands. I pray for much more of you, and much less of me.

August 28, 2007
It took us three hours to rig our bug net. Since it was originally hung on a piece-of-junk curtain rod, it frequently fell on us, showering insects of all sorts on our heads. I decided that it was time to fix this problem, and we looked around our sparse room to check out our resources. We had a bent nail, a hammer made of a hammer-head and a crow-bar, some masking tape, dental floss, and our bare, concrete ceiling. We tried the hammer and nail, but our ceiling was too hard. So, I figured the dental floss was our next best shot.
For three hours we wrestled with the waxy mess. It was quite an adventure for the first 20 minutes, but the next two and a half hours made us tired, sweaty, and no closer to hanging our dumb bug net than before.
As of right now, our support-system consists of numerous strands of dental floss in increasingly bigger triangles (thank you Mr. Sequeira for teaching me the value of that three-sided shape). Our attachment points include a bent nail, a burned out fuse box, and our light fixture… these are the kinds of problems they need to throw at you in math class. The real-life ones…
God, give me peace. Bless my family while we’re apart, and hold us close together in your hands. I pray for much more of you, and much less of me.

August 29, 2007
I’ve had such a difficult time here that I thought a happy/thankful list may be helpful. It took almost an hour to think of approximately 20 things to be thankful for. Wow.
Spanglish. Ashley. Ingrid, my third grade teacher. Canciones (songs). 501 Verbs. My cell phone. Hugs from little people. Clean sheets. Bug nets. Sabbath. The words “esta bien.” Spanish-English Bible. My blue heels. Fireflies. That Christmas is only 16 pages away. This pen. My mommy. That God speaks English. Good water. That shaving is so NOT a big deal. Toilet paper. Twix bars. The full moon.

August 30, 2007
“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” 1 Peter 1:6, 7
God I’m not really sure how much more testing I can take, but I trust that you’ll get me through today. Today is Thursday. We don’t run on Thursdays, we nap. Well, we did on this one anyway…
Class went well. Better than they have been that is. So, funny story…
I was about to leave school, because all of my classes were finished and I was starving, but this fifth or sixth grade girl followed me out of the library, to the bathroom, to the office, pretty much everywhere… I asked her where her classmates were, and she just shrugged. I questioned further. Where is your class room? Over there, she motioned with a wave of her hand. I asked her to follow me (not that she needed prompting), and I walked her back to her classroom, fully prepared to apologize to the teacher for her absence, and expecting at least a word of thanks. Oh man. I was SO wrong. I stepped into an empty room, only to face the teacher, grading papers while the kids were, drum roll please….. out for recess. I looked around. Apologized profusely to the girl, and explained that I thought she was supposed to be in class, and that I didn’t know they had recess this late, etc. etc. Pretty hilarious now that I think about it, but at the time it was mortifyingly embarrassing.
God gave us stars and the moon tonight. Lately it’s been so cloudy you can’t see a thing, but the sky was crystal clear.
Lord, much more of you, much less of me. Keep my family and me in your hands; together, like we should be…

week one

2007-09-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

August 21, 2007
The short, slender woman that found the two lost girls in the airport was exactly as I imagined her. Short, bobbed, black hair. Smoothly tanned skin. As she ushered us out we were met by thunder, lightening, and a quick and tawny man. Santos jostled our bags and bodies into the van. After an hour and a half of hazardous driving, rapid-fire Spanglish, and extreme thirst, we sharply turned off the highway and into our new lives. The long hours spent on the plane exhausted me and the struggle to find the words in the bouncing and speeding van sapped every big of stubborn strength I had left.
Walking into our new bedroom we were greeted by a gigantic spider and a few cockroaches. I’m tired. Despite the company of Ashley, I’m lonely. I want to go home. I’m broken.
Utterly broken. Don didn’t answer his phone. I physically could not call my parents because I was crying so hard. I don’t know what to do. God hear my sobs. Give me peace.

August 22, 2007
Cold shower number 1. 299+ to go. It really wasn’t so bad since it feels like it’s 85 degrees already and it’s only 9 a.m. Seems crazy that back home, only yesterday, I was chillin’ in an airport chair, playing with Eric and not having to try so hard to hold back my tearful floodgates. Twenty-four hours ago I had a life with a known future. Today, I know nothing.

August 22, 2007
…”May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other.” Gen. 31:49
Taken completely out of context, this verse is incredible. It’s my every prayer while I am so far from home. I can’t explain how homesick and heart sore I am. There are no words to describe the constant ache in my throat and chest from holding back my tears. I’m terrified of forgetting home, but more of home forgetting me. I haven’t sobbed yet, but I can feel it coming. There’s no turning back, even though my entire body yearns to go home. There are bugs everywhere, strange voices in the next room, food that is completely unfamiliar.
I can’t imagine coming without Ashley. That would have been so ridiculously stupid, but my stubbornness probably would have forced me on.
God please help me. Give me the strength I need to get through each minute without collapsing. Give me peace that passes understanding. Send all my love home…

August 23, 2007
“Ya te lo he ordenado: !Se fuerte y valiente! !No tengas miendo mi te desanimes! Porque el Senor to Dios te acompanara dondequiera que vayas.” Jos. 1:9
God I’m scared all the time, and I want to feel you here with me. Bring me peace and comfort. Hold me tight. Hold Don, my family, and I together in your hands.

August 24, 2007
“Do not turn your back on me. Do not reject your servant in anger. You have always been my helper. Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me, O God of my salvation.” Ps. 27:9
On Friday’s we got to church. It’s sort of like vespers at school except hotter and impossible to understand. After church was the best part of the day, even though we got to go into town.
[Note: Bonao is a happenin’ place, lemme tell ya. Everywhere you look, there are scooters and motorcycles full of people. We’re talking whole families on a Vespa. Tiny scooters, four or five people each, it’s crazy. We had to get hangers and cell phones. Pretty cool stuff.]
Anyway, after vespers most of the girls that live in our house (there are 15 of us, ages 15-22, plus our parents and their son, Elvis) came back to sit around the table. I’m not really sure what was really going on, or being said, but it was a lot of fun. Everyone really opened up and we were all laughing our heads off at our horrible accents and terrible grammar. It was fantastic.
Hopefully I’ll start to learn Spanish faster so that I can better understand them. I feel so stupid coming here, knowing nothing. Like I’m more of a burden than a help, you know? It’s a bit unnerving.

August 25, 2007
“He must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:30
Sabbath’s here are excellent. Church from 9-12, bread and fruit for all of our meals, games and night, and between it all? sleeping or talking. Sounds amazing to me J It has potential to get boring, but with so many people around, if you’re willing to make a fool out of yourself with Spanish, you’re set.
Oh! I want to remember to tell my Mom that there are fire-flies here! I’d never seen them before, but I’ve always wanted to. It was a nice surprise to look up at our ceiling one night and see their glowing little bodies. I’m tired.
God, thank you for fire-flies, and funny girls, and your Sabbath. Be with my family while I can’t be. Hold us together in your hands. Much more of you, much less of me.

d-day

2007-08-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

Departure. I depart at 6:30 a.m. At each stop I'll cry. At each bump of turbulence I'll grip the seat with questions. Am I ready for such a huge step? A bazillion mile step...I Google mapped directions from Sandy, OR to Bonao, Dominican Republic and it said:
"We could not calculate driving directions between Sandy, OR and Bonao, Dominican Republic."
Boo. Of course it couldn't! I just wanted to know how far it was... that's all. Sheesh.
I'm scared...

the week

2007-08-10T14:40:00.000-07:00

In approximately a week, I'll be leaving all I've ever known and embarking on the adventure of a lifetime. I'm terrified, ecstatic, and a serious procrastinator. My fear has crippled my packing expertise and has left me staring at a disaster of a bedroom, full of school supplies, clothes, totes, shoes, and five Bibles. What to take? What to take? What to leave, so that I don't have to pay a fine for an overweight checked bag?! How could I possibly pack a year of my life into an oversized rolling duffle and a backpack? I know what you're thinking. Just take a deep breath kiddo. It's only nine months. In the grand scheme of a lifetime, what's nine months? Well let me tell you. It's everything! It's not just nine months, it's nine months of the present. It's nine months that will be the hardest, hottest, scariest, and most rewarding of my life. Until I get pregnant I suppose...

Random desire of the day: To climb that water tower across from Barlow High School.