"i am the light of the world. whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
john 8:12b

i made karla cry today. third grade was awful so i told her to sit in another desk in the corner of the classroom. she has always had attitude but she'd never been obsitnate. so, i told her she could sit in the desk or leave. i physically stopped her from mobing away from her new desk; i taught from the space between her and her classmates even. she started crying and the other students started yelling. rosie (the full-time teacher) knocked on the door to check in. i was afraid i was going to get in trouble for making the little girl cry, but she just asked my if they always behaved this badly. i responded that sure, they were naughty, but today was extreme.

so school was a drag. there's always tomorrow. and the next day. and the next day. but we won't get into that. i can't seem to shake the funk i'm in however. i've been so lucky all year, not experiencing my wierd chemical inbalances. i'm struggling with my crippling introvertedness again; the ones that haunted me last year. the only thing i've found to help is working in the fields.

i love the digging. i dig until my hands bleed, my back is aching, and my eyes are stinging from the salty sweat that trickles down my brown forehead. i like the bantering boys, racing across the field, the sun, the absence of my silly roommates. i think i need a break.

i wrapped my hair into a halo today--it keeps it straight after i get out of the shower, it's actually pretty nifty. then ashley and nat went to use the internet. sweet sweet solitude. i finished my brown journal (it only took 2 years). it's full of memories. i sat alone on our floor and reveled in my aloneness. wow. peace.